Music is My Radar

Hi everyone.  I’ll save my apologies for being such a delinquent blogger for a later post (read: NEVER!).

Despite my utter lack of blogging productivity here at MIMR, I have as always been consumed daily with thoughts about music and songs and albums and songwriting and all of that.  I’ll try to work through my back-log of ideas in the coming weeks AND resolve to be a more productive blogger in the coming new year.  Ahem.

That said, I’ve had idea for a blog post, which I will now address, percolating in my tiny little mind for years now.  In fact, the genesis of this post can be traced all the way to the fall of 1988, when I was but a junior in high school, years before the internet was even invented.  (NOTE: I know that last statement was utterly untrue.  Please spare me your comments to that effect.)

It was in October of 1988 that a certain song first hit the airwaves, a song that soon dominated all forms of life on Earth for months to come.  And it is that song that is the germ of my gist.  As the title of this blog entry cleverly reveals, the topic at hand is what I like to call Thesaurus Songs.

First, we must define what is a Thesaurus Song.  The rules are very simple: the song must prominently feature a word in its title AND its chorus.  The word must be of sufficient length and rarity as to lead the listener to the inevitable (and indisputable) conclusion that the lyricist discovered the word in a moment of writer’s block as s/he was perusing a thesaurus, looking for lyrical inspiration.  Also, there needs to be some degree of awkwardness, if not a high degree, to the placement and use of the word.  Something that makes you roll your eyes and say, “Yeah, SOMEONE just learned a new word today.”  But the song title need not be excessively long or silly.  In fact, it must contain the word in question and not much else.

You get the idea.  So without further adieu, here is my list of the four most egregious examples of Thesaurus Songs, in increasing order of their crimes against Roget.

1. “My Prerogative” by Bobby Brown.  This is the song that started it all.  (And no, I don’t want to hear about how much you loved this song in middle school.  Because I didn’t.)  The song in question is from Mr. Whitney Houston’s second solo album, Don’t Be Cruel, soon after he left the pop/R&B juggernaut New Edition.  And it’s the song that really typifies the Thesaurus Song, i.e. one awkwardly-placed word prominently featured in the title and chorus.  Granted, Mr. Houston merely co-wrote the song, but still.  It really does sound like whoever wrote the lyrics one day stumbled across the word “prerogative” and decided to write a song around it.  And that’s what we’re talking about here.  Here’s the song.  (Actually, it’s really not a bad song.  In fact, that keyboard riff is pretty tight.)
2. “It’s Inevitable” by Charlie.  Again, a perfectly decent pop song (although this time more in the rock oeuvre), but one that also relies heavily on one word for its lyrical thrust.  (I’ll leave the reader to discover the fascinating world that is … Charlie.  I know, and you thought it was just a cheesy perfume ad.)  I actually have/had fond memories of this song and its video from the early days of MTV.  Apparently, my memories deceive me, because this is some lame shit.  Not the song so much - again, a perfectly serviceable pop song - but more the video and instrumentation.  Pay particular attention to the singer’s conspicuous Jimmie Walker move at 55 seconds into the video.  Really dude?
3. “Cumbersome” by 7mary3.  Gawd what a bunch of douchebags 7mary3 was.  Seriously, between these asshats and this guy, I think I could write a pretty convincing doctoral dissertation on the premise that, music-wise, the state of Florida owes us all one big fucking apology.  This song takes me back to my first year of graduate school, when I still listened to the radio, and when “Cumbersome” slumped across the airwaves like an obese prostitute.  If any band deserves to do nothing more than mow my yard from here to eternity, it is 7mary3.  I won’t even link to the song.  If you want to hear it, God be with you.
4. “Verisimilitude” by Teenage Fanclub.  If I haven’t spent weeks at a time gushing about my adoration of Teenage Fanclub, then I haven’t been doing my job as a shill.  But seriously, I do have some mad love for the band.  Granted, their later albums do tend to sound the same, all chiming guitars and “Hey, listen to how much we love the Byrds” song-writing.  That aside, their third album, Bandwagonesque, is effing brilliant.  I look forward to the autumn season each year for many reasons, chief among the songs and albums that provide the soundtrack to that season.  (Hmmm, maybe I should blog about that.)  Bandwagonesque is one of those albums I tend to listen to only in a particular season, autumn, and one of which I never seem to grow tired.  However, the offending song in question is from their fifth album, Grand Prix.  The song, written by ace songwriter Raymond McGinley, is called “Verisimilitude.”  For the uninformed, verisimilitude is “trying to articulate how one false theory could be closer to the truth than another false theory.”  (Thank you Wikipedia.)  Right.  Clearly a word that we all use in our everyday language.  Like, “Hey Bob.  What are you doing today?”  ”Oh I’m going to mow the lawn, pull some weeds, engage in a little verisimilitude.”  ”Oh yeah?  Is that what the kids are calling it these days?  HAR HAR HAR.”  Here’s a link to a live version of the song.

And that’s my list of the top four Thesaurus Songs of all time.  Of course I welcome your comments, in particular whatever nominations you might have for other Thesaurus Songs.  But be forewarned: I googled “thesaurus songs” and “awkward song titles” when I was working up this entry, and these four songs were all I could come up with.  And of course many bands are known for their ridiculous song titles, but those don’t really count.  Dig into those crates and let me know what you find.