Music is My Radar

My friends know how much I hate all things “earnest.”  The overwrought emotions, lack of self-awareness, hamfisted life-lessons - makes me gag.  And then there’s this.

(Well, so much for embedding the video.  Apparently youtube has that turned off.  Jerks.  Anyway, here’s the link.)

First, I must say “Damn you fearlessvk” for posting this video in the first place.  I admit, I got teary-eyed watching it.  And while it technically doesn’t qualify as “earnest,” it would be bad enough, were it not so awesome.

Enjoy.

Before going further, please watch the video below.  The group is Mastodon, the song is “Divinations.”

Mastodon - Divinations

Now, here is why that is the most metal video of all time.

1. It contains the bare bones of a narrative involving climbing dangerous snowy mountains and discovering the remnants of an ancient blood-sacrifice culture.  And what is more metal than blood sacrifice?  Not much.
2. Once atop the mountain, the band discovers the frozen body of a caveman, who they reanimate using a Gibson Flying-V guitar.  Seriously.  Lightening bolts shooting from a guitar and bringing to life a 10,000-year-old caveman?  Very fucking metal.
3. And what is the first thing the unfrozen caveman does once he is awakened?  He launches into a fucking shredder guitar solo.  Seriously.  If I was frozen for 10,000 years, the first thing I would want to do upon awakening is kick some metal ass.
4. After shredding for a few, the now unfrozen caveman uses said guitar to slaughter, then CANNIBALIZE, the band members.  Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, is more metal than cannibalization.
5. Is that a banjo at the beginning of the song?  Who cares?!  Even more metal!
6. Three words: Abominable fucking snowman.  

I don’t know about you people, but I’m buying some Mastodon CDs the first chance I get.  And, using a Flying-V to vanquish whatever foes I might have.  Before I GNAW ON THEIR FEMURS!!!

Ahem.

Lately I’ve become a pretty big fan of the Onion AV Club, the satirical newspaper’s repository for books, movies, music, interviews, and the like.  If nothing else, it’s where I get my weekly dose of Dan Savage, the best advice columnist working today, for my money.  (Sorry Cary Tennis.)

Anyway, I especially like the Inventory section, wherein the AV Club writers come up with some pretty interesting lists, like this one, or this one, or this one.  And this week has an especially interesting list.

What I like about their list is how few of those albums I own or would have included on such a list of my own.  (In all fairness, I did think of this topic some time ago.)  Makes me want to buy some records.