Music is My Radar

As much as I shy away from live shows, for reasons I’ve discussed before, I might have to take advantage of this opportunity.

Of course, I’ve never had much luck with reunion shows - seeing two of my favorite bands from the 1990s slog their way through concerts in the 2000s was rather painful.  But at least Pavement hasn’t been gone from the scene as long as other bands, and shit - I think I’d be a fool to pass on this.

Atlanta road-trip anyone?  September 26 is a Sunday night, but I likely won’t have to teach the next day …

Last weekend my wife and I watched The House of the Devil, which we both agreed is one of the best horror films we’ve seen in a long time.  (Given that we are both confirmed horror movie buffs, albeit with a regrettable lack of exposure to certain subsets of the horror movie genre, we have fairly high standards for scary stuff.  Sadly, not all movies we’ve seen recently meet our standards, although others do.)  If you haven’t seen The House of the Devil, I strongly encourage you to do so, especially if you have experience with horror films from the 1970s and 1980s, as well as the “satanic panic” that gripped the U.S. in the 1980s.  I could go on about the quality of the movie; about how even the smallest elements of the film - from the props to the music to the camera angles and lighting - are near-perfect evocations of a bygone era of horror cinema.  But I’ll leave that to those more knowledgeable (or at least more opinionated).

Instead, I’ll focus on one aspect of the film, it’s authenticity.  Again, many elements of the film are so retro as to be reverential.  Indeed, at times it seems surprising that this movie was made in the 2000s and not the 1980s.  (At other points in the film, this is not so surprising, but again, I digress.)  This made me ponder - is there a musical equivalent to this film?  Not in content, mind you; I’m not talking about the many genres of music that lean toward the horrific.  Instead, I’m referring to albums or songs that so perfectly evoke the sound and feel of a particular genre or scene or time period that it almost sounds as though it was unearthed from a time capsule (hence this post’s title) and dusted off for the kids of today.

I can think of one good example.  (Sorry, Wolfmother - better luck next time.)  Admittedly, I’m a little biased here, because I know the lead singer/guitarist from his time employed here and here.  And I can personally attest that he’s a swell guy.  But really, I’ve spent a fair amount of time listening to the band’s first (and only) long-player, and I gotta say, it’s pretty effing brilliant.  (And I’m not the only one who thinks so.)

Here’s why.

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I’ll be honest.  If you asked me to draw a Venn diagram with Judge Judy in one circle and John Lydon (a.k.a. Johnny Rotten) in another, I would’ve thought the intersection would be the null set.  But apparently I was wrong.

OK, so I’m a week or so late in posting something about the Who’s performance at the Super Bowl halftime show, but, by way of an excuse, it’s helpful sometimes to have the benefit of a little perspective on the event in question, rather than rushing to join the post-mortem gangpile (or orgy).

(For those of you who live in a cave and didn’t see the Who play the halftime show at the Super Bowl last weekend, you have my respect.  And now you can watch the video here.)

Actually, it wouldn’t be a bad thing for all of us to watch the video again, if only to remind ourselves what happened.  I mean, it wasn’t particularly memorable for me, so let me pause for a minute and refamiliarize myself with the show.  BRB.

…

OK, done.  So here’s what I’ve got.

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It’s a sad day for Memphis music.

This is without a doubt the most metal thing on the face of the Earth.

Seriously, the guy who brought you Dracula and The Mummy and motherfucking SARUMAN!! now brings you …

A symphonic metal album about the life of Charlemagne, that famous French dude.  You know.

Let there be rock.

I just got mine in the mail … so excited!!!

Hi everyone.  I’ll save my apologies for being such a delinquent blogger for a later post (read: NEVER!).

Despite my utter lack of blogging productivity here at MIMR, I have as always been consumed daily with thoughts about music and songs and albums and songwriting and all of that.  I’ll try to work through my back-log of ideas in the coming weeks AND resolve to be a more productive blogger in the coming new year.  Ahem.

That said, I’ve had idea for a blog post, which I will now address, percolating in my tiny little mind for years now.  In fact, the genesis of this post can be traced all the way to the fall of 1988, when I was but a junior in high school, years before the internet was even invented.  (NOTE: I know that last statement was utterly untrue.  Please spare me your comments to that effect.)

It was in October of 1988 that a certain song first hit the airwaves, a song that soon dominated all forms of life on Earth for months to come.  And it is that song that is the germ of my gist.  As the title of this blog entry cleverly reveals, the topic at hand is what I like to call Thesaurus Songs.

First, we must define what is a Thesaurus Song.  The rules are very simple: the song must prominently feature a word in its title AND its chorus.  The word must be of sufficient length and rarity as to lead the listener to the inevitable (and indisputable) conclusion that the lyricist discovered the word in a moment of writer’s block as s/he was perusing a thesaurus, looking for lyrical inspiration.  Also, there needs to be some degree of awkwardness, if not a high degree, to the placement and use of the word.  Something that makes you roll your eyes and say, “Yeah, SOMEONE just learned a new word today.”  But the song title need not be excessively long or silly.  In fact, it must contain the word in question and not much else.

You get the idea.  So without further adieu, here is my list of the four most egregious examples of Thesaurus Songs, in increasing order of their crimes against Roget.

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My friends know how much I hate all things “earnest.”  The overwrought emotions, lack of self-awareness, hamfisted life-lessons - makes me gag.  And then there’s this.

(Well, so much for embedding the video.  Apparently youtube has that turned off.  Jerks.  Anyway, here’s the link.)

First, I must say “Damn you fearlessvk” for posting this video in the first place.  I admit, I got teary-eyed watching it.  And while it technically doesn’t qualify as “earnest,” it would be bad enough, were it not so awesome.

Enjoy.

Before going further, please watch the video below.  The group is Mastodon, the song is “Divinations.”

Mastodon - Divinations

Now, here is why that is the most metal video of all time.

1. It contains the bare bones of a narrative involving climbing dangerous snowy mountains and discovering the remnants of an ancient blood-sacrifice culture.  And what is more metal than blood sacrifice?  Not much.
2. Once atop the mountain, the band discovers the frozen body of a caveman, who they reanimate using a Gibson Flying-V guitar.  Seriously.  Lightening bolts shooting from a guitar and bringing to life a 10,000-year-old caveman?  Very fucking metal.
3. And what is the first thing the unfrozen caveman does once he is awakened?  He launches into a fucking shredder guitar solo.  Seriously.  If I was frozen for 10,000 years, the first thing I would want to do upon awakening is kick some metal ass.
4. After shredding for a few, the now unfrozen caveman uses said guitar to slaughter, then CANNIBALIZE, the band members.  Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING, is more metal than cannibalization.
5. Is that a banjo at the beginning of the song?  Who cares?!  Even more metal!
6. Three words: Abominable fucking snowman.  

I don’t know about you people, but I’m buying some Mastodon CDs the first chance I get.  And, using a Flying-V to vanquish whatever foes I might have.  Before I GNAW ON THEIR FEMURS!!!

Ahem.